Have you ever had those moments/days/weeks when you are so tired you can’t even sleep? I’m sure there is some sort of medical term to describe this, but I prefer to call it “past the point of no return”. That’s where I am. Too tired to sleep. So. Very. Tired. So I blog.
Why am I tired? Well…I am exhausted from weeks of nesting. I only call it that because there is no other word to really describe it. But I do wish there was another word for adoptive nesting….because, from what I read, it is different from pregnant nesting.
Pregnant nesting is sweet. I found this little *gem* of an article describing what seems mostly like a cartoon fairy tale: click HERE. Towards the end of the article, the author encourages: “Do what you must, but don’t wear yourself out. Get as much rest as possible and save your energy for giving birth and taking care of your new baby when she arrives.” Apparently pregnant nesting is blissful, understandable, normal, beautiful…and there is energy to spare for later! (and all the mamas yell in perfect harmony, HA! I know a lie when I see one!)
In truth, I don’t know much about pregnant nesting and how it may or may not be different from adoptive nesting. But this I do know. Adoptive nesting=crazy town. Yep. My poor husband is convinced that I have lost it, I’m sure. It appears that the pending arrival of our two children next week for a holiday visit has robbed me of all sanity, multitasking abilities, and mental processing. I have become one bargain shopping, present wrapping, space reorganizing, list making, list losing, coffee guzzling, forgetful, spastic, emotional, chaotic mama. Tears have abounded…nearly as much as the never ending receipts from all of the kid necessities I have purchased as I have become aware of how UN-kid-friendly our house is. I *may* have had an emotional breakdown when the Christmas lights we wove into our porch railings didn’t work (and we had failed to test them first). I *might* have been a little upset when my dishwasher got gunky and nasty, and my dear husband decided to clean it using Dawn dishwashing soap (click HERE to see what happens when you make that mistake). Normally I’m not prone to hysterical outbursts, but I jumped straight from beginner to expert level last week. Take a look at my house and see if you can relate:
Don’t get me wrong; I am BEYOND excited for these little ones to arrive so I can love on them and celebrate our first Christmas together as a family. But there is no “easing in” here. When the children are 6 and 4, the needs become a little more complicated than change me, feed me, burp me, rock me (although those are all still there!). When you have two children that have never been anywhere colder than 65 degrees, who are essentially entering the polar vortex of the north, there are preparations to be made. When you have one child with a host of special needs to be met, and the other wanting to do all the active fun 6-year-old boy things, there is planning that needs to happen to make it work for everybody. And when you happen to be a type A perfectionist, mildly OCD person in general, with high expectations of all that the “First Family Christmas” will entail, you *may* take planning and preparation to a whole new level. Or rather, it takes you.
Thank goodness for grace. Thank goodness for calm husbands and helpful friends and mothers who know how to make you stop crying. Thank goodness for Jesus and His gentle reminder that I can lower my expectations and everything will still turn out okay.
And it will. It will be more than okay. Because at the end of the day, no matter how clean my house is, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still getting my kids. No matter how much stuff I forget to buy ahead of time, the store will still be there. And no matter how many presents I wrap, I’m still getting the best present of all in the form of two sweet children who have stolen my heart.
As I look around at my messy house, my ginormous to do list, and the clock that says 12:45AM, I am reminded that the nesting can wait till tomorrow. I think I’m finally the right kind of tired for sleep. So now I’m going to get some rest, and save some of my precious energy for my kids…
Or else I’m just going to get some rest.